So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
