Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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