I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
