you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
