so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
