I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
