Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.