I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men