Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
