I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything