It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
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your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
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Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.