Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.