I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!