My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers