i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
