**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
