I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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