I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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