Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
