I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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