no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
