I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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