u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
no you cant smoke seaweed
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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