I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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