Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
