How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
