Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
