I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
