this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
