Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We need a shit load of segways right now
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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