I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
