Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
even my farts smell like vagina
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
