OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
