We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
