Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
