just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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