I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
