if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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