We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
