I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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