Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
