well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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