How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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