Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
