I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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