SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
