he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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