I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
