it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Someone came in the potted fern
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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