i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize