Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
