Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
