Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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