We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
His nipple licking is glorious
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