I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
