puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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