i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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