Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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