so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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