I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
These tits shall not be calmed
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
