At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
