all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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