you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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