I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It's Friday. Sex?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
