Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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