I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
True strength comes from lack of pants
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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