I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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