Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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