i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
