oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
